Just the other day I was speaking to an acquaintance. I am happy I did because the conversation inspired me to write this piece.
She asked me how my man was doing and I said as it was, alright.
She wondered when I would bring him to Uganda so that they could steal him!
I plainly asserted that my man couldn’t be stolen because he knew what he wanted and genuinely leaves no room for doubt.
But I suggested a joint acquaintance whom I knew could be stolen if she wanted a man for a gig.
His heart or wallet, I skipped the details.
Her response was a big, No-o-o.
And her reason was that he had a big belly.
Stomach men is a no go zone, she said.
Then I pointed to the fact that my man had a big belly too.
You want to know her response?
He has a belly, Oh my God! How did you end up with him?
You speak so highly of him. Then he must have a lot of money.
Truthfully, I laughed like an idiot, I couldn’t believe how shallow she was!
I wondered where to begin a long missed education.
But I had to start somewhere so I simply described what I wanted in a man: loving, kind, honest, funny, Intelligent, respectful, committed, working, with his feet on the ground and knows what he wants and the list could go on.
I laboured to explain that I am not for the cliche: tall, dark, handsome and to add, well-trained but if a man had no manners!
I mean, what good is a bunch of muscles if they aren’t wired to a brian?
An intended long term relationship must defy whimsical first sight attractions.
You must be kin to observe that which lies beneath the sparkling skin once the makeup is off.
I happen to know a sweet girl who fell upside down for a man she believed was the most futuristic she ever met and would ever meet only for him to turn her inside out when his absolute top secret wife and kids flew home from their other home in the USA.
Mr. futuristic confessed that the house she had been shown was just a guest wing of the main one. He openly told ‘the sweet girl’ that she had no right to set foot in his marital house so she didn’t have the whole picture. Imagine her shock!
I can draw countless scenarios but this text was not intended to exceed one page.
So my dear ladies, work, build yourselves and be the best women you could ever be. Forget the dependency mentality and attract dependable partners not parasites or users.
Catch you later.
Susan Kazooba
Inspiring Love
Kazooba Humanness 
I can’t believe how most girls are more interested in men’s money. Girls please wake up from your deep sleep and start working for yourselves!
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Thank you my dear friend for putting emphasis on a relevant point. The emanicipation of women is a question which which has dominated modern literature in theory. But the real question is, how is the woman being herself adapting to the practice?
I dared say to my family that there will be no bride price paid over my head! Oh oh oh, as if I was swinging on the lion’s tail! Women and men alike attacked and questioned if I wanted to play with tradition!
BUT this is undebated on my side. I am a human being. No amount of goats, cows or money would answer to my value. It is trendy to show off these days with traditional marriage functions, bride price items display alongside the bride, I have a lot to say about this topic that I think I should go and complete my old draft and publish it soon.
Before I leave, let me just write what a close friend of mine once said when I inquired about why things between her and a boyfriend had ended.
She said and I translate directly from Luganda, he had a hand of gum (yali mukono gum). He was not giving me money or buying me any gifts. She cried out.
Mark you my friend was well educated and she had a well paying job but she also had a mentality. One where men give and women receive.
The above scenerio is during courtship but in marriage, you always hear the common stereotyped statements made by men wondering where their women’s money goes.
Women themselves are heard enforcing it saying, why should they provide for their families as if they don’t have men!
Etc
My dear ladies, we can’t eat our cake and still have it! So it is time we womaned up and did 50% – 50% and met the men in the middle or forget equality in its true sense.
Like I always say, the one who pays the bride price takes the bride.
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Susan my bestie.. this is the best piece you have written. From childhood I believed in true love but was always mocked by my friends tha I’m dreaming and that the I wil wakeup its when I will find a real man coz to them love was about money and receiving. With my faith and believing God, I kept my faith and kept my truth about how I felt about true love.. As you know you attended our wedding with my husband.. its been one of the most beautiful fulfilling things that happened to me. Our love is true and pure and isn’t based on those stereotypo relationships. Im so glad I’m married to him. And mostly am so happy for you my friend that you found someone who knows a true value of you.
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Carol dearest, thank you for appreciating this piece. You know me, I am an expressionist and so are you. We can’t fake it. We either got it or we don’t and that is why we are enjoying our relationships and will enjoy them years to come. We are giver and we know how to receive love from our partners.
Takers suffer because of their unmet expectations. They sit empty and expect to be filled but we are full so we give and take and we stay full.
Like I always say, happiness is a decision and I made one to stay happy as long as I live. It is easy to find it when you find meaning in the small lifes events and pay attension to being blown away. Enjoy being blown away if it happens but then enjoy every step of the way until then.
Love you always
Susan
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I treasure Economic independence and that’s the only reason I went to school.
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I have to share this with the world.
Great piece.
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Thank you so much Aggrey. I am humbled that you find it worthy of sharing with the world.
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Hello Susan!
Thanks so much for sharing this insightful piece. been reading a lot from your word press and i must admit, you’re a great writer; constructive, precise and very informative.
Aluta continua….
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Thank you so much for this beautiful feedback. Very much appreciated. Keep reading please
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Thank you dear Susan.
Women who are well educated, with good jobs need to change their mentality of thinking that only men must provide for their families. I always tell my friends who have such mentality that it’s like cheating yourselves. Please ladies support your husbands for a brighter future as a family.
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In deed it is like cheating themselves because they hold back the development of a family they also belong to. Some say they work for their material up keep. The family is the responsibility of the man!
Welcome dearest Jenny and thank you for all you contributions to this discussion. We hope that fellow ladies will start to take financial responsibility. And the men will balance the boat in the social sphere.
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So inspiring and motivating stories you have there, proud of your work and confidently say the world needs brains like yours.
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Oh wow! What a kick in my motivation! Now I will write and write because you appreciate it.
Thank you so much.
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That is the most disappointing fact about women. Many just don’t care about self-dependence but I do think the cause is the environment we grow in and the people around us plus culture.
In most African Culture, a girl is taught how to take care of a man and they forget to to teach them about themselves (Self dependency)
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Thank you for pointing out the role of culture in the upbringing of children. It’s true that traditional gender roles are reinforced in a manner that is disadvantaging in this modern society.
Though with many key players I will point directly on my biggest fear, bride price. Girls are taught that a man will visit their parents. Pay a bride price and take them to his home and there she will serve him more or less.
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As humans, we measure and are so attracted to one’s countenance, height of his stature, wealth, intelligence etc. Forgetting that, what’s in the heart defines the measure of a man.
Beauty, wealth, physique, etc fade away but what’s in the heart doesn’t.
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A humane person. One who sees the good in other people.
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