Are Men Really Human?

What is your opinion?

I am serious and I want to know?

Does this question offend you?

If yes, then I am happy because that is my intention.

I want you to get offended and get thinking. 

You know, too many times we hear people say emotionally alienating things about men. 

Cultural beliefs, ignorance, peer influence and at times just the desire to please men are some of the driving factors for this kind of behavior.

Too bad that such people forget the impact of the words they use. Factually, the things they say build up to the social norms and belief systems which impact generations.   

To their little sons, teenage boys and young men, some parents continue to say with emphasis, things which slowly but steadily disconnect boys and young men from their emotions. 

As a result such boys grow up thinking emotional expression is shameful and/or it makes them less of men. You could have heard the expression, man enough. So commonly used yet very highly alienating. The struggle to live up to the expectations of others may make some people to do everything possible to earn the approval that one is man enough. In the process however, one may hurt themselves so bad that it becomes inevitable for one to rise to the approval they so much sought in the first place.


Do you believe that many men are violated by their women?

Mostly but not limited to psychological abuse through verbal and hateful treatment but also physical violation. 

But how often do you find a man who has reported his wife/partner for abuse? Or even just told a close friend about it?

Some men end up emotionally dysfunctional or cold which leads them to behave in certain unacceptable ways. Unfortunately, some may break the law by battering their wives, neglect their children or abuse the children in other ways as a result of displaced anger.

Some men may also be subjected to different sorts of criticism for their behavior but what really caused that behavior may not be explored? Some men may go through a whole court process in silence and be sentenced for a crime they did not commit simply due to the fear of shame.

How will they see me or hear that such happened to me! I am a man! 


Has society asked itself what happens when men are raised to think they are superpowers and that they have subjects, servants or subordinates?

That life can only be fitted within two domains: public and private, where by the private is strictly for women and the public for men. Looking at how society is structured today, some men may allow ‘their women’ into the public sphere but they themselves may not cross over to the private because, they are men.

They believe that their sisters, female friends, wives, girls and women in society, will do everything for them.

Simple things as saying sorry, please, genuinely apologizing for their mistakes, exercising intentional kindness or empathy are basic mannerism expectations which some men unfortunately, find hard to practice as a result of emotional alienation.

But, I mean such things really trigger my mind.

How do you think men will come to such an idea while customarily they are raised and socialized in a way that disassociates them from believing they are ordinary humans capable of doing everything for themselves just like women and even expressing themselves.

Whereas this is predominatly an issue of the developing world, it is not limited to that world. In cultures which promote male supremacy, anything that portrays a man as sharing his emotions would be condemned in a way that alienates such a man from expressing his human emotions. But how do the men really feel and what do they think about that? 

You always hear;-

Why are you crying? 

Men don’t cry. 

You are a man.

Be strong like a man. 

You man, you cry like a woman.

You talk about your problems like a woman.

You walk like a woman.

You want to be close to your mother and sisters as if you are a woman.

You want to be close to people all the time, are you a woman?

Why do you associate with women? Do you have psychological problems?

Caring and nursing is the responsibility of women. Why should you do it? You are a man!

The above are some of the common normative social expressions among the people of Uganda.

In some traditions, boys are prohibited from entering the kitchen. They are told that the kitchen is a place for women. 

If you stay in the kitchen and associate with women, you will end up like them: soft and emotional. Others should not even wash utensils because that is the responsibility of their mothers and sisters.


For God’s sake🙏🏿, are men less or more than human?

Could that be the root cause of the lack of empathy or less empathy and remorse which some men exhibit?

What is this drama all about?

Is there anything wrong with the boys and men in those cultures where boys do everything that women do?

Imagine some rural women wake up and go to the gardens to cultivate and plant food. 

They harvest and bring food home. Prepare and serve. And it is also their absolute responsibility to clean up after food. The best way the men help them is by sitting, watching and  enjoying their manhood earned service provided by the women.

Other drunken men quarrel and beat their wives for not cooking in time as though it would rain with hot water if they helped make food ready in time. s

Dear traditional men, I have a question and please do me a favor and answer it aloud or silent in your heart, the choice is yours.

How do you feel when your pregnant wife runs around doing all the housework at your watch?

I believe modern men help their wives and participate in raising their families. So what type of a man are you? Do you ever assess your contribution to your family’s life?

I have heard that men are physically stronger than women, so men, why do you reserve that energy by not part-taking in raising your own children? If you will not support your wife, how do you justify love and companionship?


With regard to the rural women, what are the men’s duties if the women must:-

#Clean the home and care for children.

#Fend for the family and prepare their meals.

#Do the laundry for the children and their husbands.

#Receive no help at all, especially from a fellow adult in the house.

#Be beaten for any shortfall.

December 2019, I traversed Northern Uganda on research and what I saw just along the roads with regards to those rural women and their men was enough to paint the picture (Of course I am a rural born Ugandan and I always travel back).

So embarrassing! Seeing cohorts of men seated by the roadsides as early as 8:00 am either playing cards or drinking while women were either carrying farm tools going to gardens or already tilling the land.

They later harvest and carry the harvest on their heads first home, process if necessary then to the markets. They sell and come back with washing soap, salt and other basics while the men are watching.

Our traditions teach men not to express their emotions right from childhood and in deed, their feelings die in all ways.  Many don’t even notice that the only way they contribute is by getting drunk and beating their wives which causes all the violence thereafter. The neglect of children among other forms of violence against children’s rights.

Upon that background, this is what I say:

# Feel free to cry because you are human. 

That is a way of expressing your emotions and connecting with the people around you. 

# Apologise when you find yourself in wrong. Saying the five lettered ‘S’ word never killed anybody. 

# Share your problems freely because a problem shared is a problem half solved. 

# Talk to anyone beside you, woman or man whom you trust and you will feel lighter. We all need it and you will be happier you did. 

# Teach your boys that there is no difference between them and their sisters because that is the whole truth. The differences come because we create and reinforce them.  

The purpose of this writing is to get men to express their emotions a little more. So, my hope is that as a reader, you don’t focus only on critising the content but you rather also reflect on the intentions and meanings of the texts.

Intentionally, raise your boys for a better world by shaping them into better men💖

The idea of a single sex or race being more superior is stone age in my opinion.

In my dream better world everybody believes so.


Kazooba Susan 

From the depth of my heart!

We all have danced with shadows and dined with skeletons.
So I will cut to the chase.
If one praises themselves as your friend but never makes any sacrifice for you,
it’s a lie.

They haven’t bled a drop and they know nothing of the true feeling of friendship.
The same way is love.
If one so sweetly rings and sings of love.
So tightly holds and hugs your fears.
So warmly kisses and deeps to the depth.
If one repeatedly breaks your heart,
pleads for forgiveness and paints your sky blue with colors
But if one never takes any action to show you the real meaning of their words,
read my lips.

From private to public Parts

Nothing worries me more about today’s world than the thought that, some of it’s most influential women will lead it astray by doing the easiest most private things publicly, stripping naked and being applauded for it in the name of fashion.

Being confident with your body is more than stripping it naked for the whole universe.

This is my suggestion all the parts we once called private must now be called public parts because the facts have changed.

Restrain Your Shopping Ego.

Act for Global Climate Change.

Do we really care more about today than we do about tomorrow? Are we that selfish to hurt even angels?

Imagine how many clothes, shoes and all accessories you have at home! Have you ever considered how much the environment would benefit if you restrained your shopping ego?

Let us be honest here. How many times have you shopped stuff that you regretted? As soon as you got back home, you realised that you could do without them or that you already had enough to serve the same purpose and more.

I know that it can be tricky to realise sometimes how you ended up buying that lousy blouse, the ugly shirt, those saggy pants and all.

I know a man who has over thirty pairs of shoes. But I mean, if they are all black and brown like in this man’s case, what difference does it make?

We have all met people who say they love shoes, others bags some say they just love shopping so no matter what they buy. We also have people who say they don’t know how they buy all the things that they buy.

Well, it can be on a totally normal day when you miss to say no to a friend who invites you to accompany her on a whimsical shopping spree.

Such a day was once for me Sunday 6th May 2018. I rose up and got out of  bed at 8.00 am, a bit earlier than my usual weekend time. I intended to go out for an early nature walk so I went straight to the toilet and did everything which people do there before my phone rang. I reached for it and it was my friend Madrin. We greeted each other good mornings and chatted a bit but it didn’t take long before she inquired if I would like to be her companion to Hede Fashion Outlet in Kungsbacka. In here usual assertive voice, she projected;

“Susan, would you be willing to come with me to Hede Fashion Outlet in Kungsbacka so that I can do some shopping? It would be nice because then we can take your car, talk and laugh this Sunday away (laughs). Of course I will pay for the fuel”.

Back then, I loved visiting shopping malls and I always seemed to be able to do so no matter how unwilling I was. At the time I was still living in the Kikås area of the beautiful Mölndal surrounded by nature: forests and five lakes all in a walkable distance. So I weighed in on my morning nature walk but I ended up choosing the shopping mall. I drove to Gothenburg, picked Madrin and off to Kungsbacka we flew.

While in Kungsbacka, I saw countless captivating dresses which could quence my undying love for pretty dresses. Madrin shopped all that she fancied. She threw countless things at me when she thought they could be for me but guess what, I resisted. I resisted with my last guts. My mind had been made up. And I wasn’t going to let someone else’s shopping day become mine any more. When I returned home eventually that afternoon, I felt relieved. I had triumphed. I had finally overcome my shoppamania and restrained my shopping ego for ever.

I mean there was definitely a reason why Madrin and I usually turned up to places only to find ourselves dressed in similar clothes. So I decided, no more running around shopping unnecessarily.

You too, your friend maybe has a shopping budget but do you? She has been planning over that for a while, but can you say the same? What are your priorities at the moment before you run around hopping on other people’s plans?

Stay focused and together let us save our planet. Restrain your shopping ego. I did mine.

Susan Kazooba

The Kindness of weather.

Who will feel the gentleness of the evening breeze on their face if not me?

They force me to sit in the house when the winter comes.

The darkness colonises, days and nights alike.

I hold back and freeze in the icy snow so strange to my feet.

My creative hands numbed. They fear nothing they touch could ever live again.

I freeze on the inside.

No one understands the depth of my heart.

So I doubt its presence in my chest even more.

For days, I tremble with fear.

October, november, December, January, Feb and sometimes March, my spirit longs.

It longs for warmth.

The embrace of my soulmate could do, but only to a certain limit until I long again.

So when the time comes, I cannot help but kick the fear and jump out under the blues with the lilies and peonies.

April, May, June, July, August and September, I fly around with the butterflies and my heart stuck in my palm to absorb the sun.

I need it to last for another half year so my soul claps and sings.

But for the moment, let the wind blow my skin and the sun kiss my lips and makes us one.

And let it rain on me for if not me then who?

Who will the wind blow and who will it shine on?

I thrive in the kindness of weather.

Susan Kazooba

The Limit to Unconditional Love.

Having questions about your relationship?

(There are many types of love but in this case I am referring to intimacy).

Love is as old as humanity itself and oftentimes, we believers in love promise to love unconditionally.

Through words and actions we convey our intentions and meaning of our promise of a true and enduring love.

A love that is not shaded by any stain of envy or jealousy, holding back or overreaction.

We promise absolute openness, unlimited support of our partners in all their endeavours.

We pledge to be good listeners.

We are by default, social and economic partners though by no means political but we cannot rule out the role of coincidence.

We promise to forgive and move on as if nothing ever happened or at least we imply it in our promise of unconditional love.

But what really happens to the good will and well intended promises that we believers assert especially in the early days of our meetings?

Please read the following two scenarios and reflect upon them. Think of the different ways they could be applied in your own life before you continue reading.

Scenario one:

Julian was seated in the kitchen reading Sartre’s existential philosophy when her boyfriend walked in and drew some water for drinking. Afterall he was already drawing water, she requested him to serve her a glass of water too. Julian’s boyfriend kept silent and simply walked out of the kitchen slamming the door behind him. Julian became sad and shouted aloud so that her boyfriend heard. “If it were me I would have served you water with pleasure even without you asking. I regret all those times that I have asked you if you wanted water or tea or whatever I was to have because you wouldn’t do the same for me even if I were dying.”

Scenario two:

John is a very open man. He tells his wife Linnet everything breathed on by the green and the dust. He wishes that Linnet would reciprocate this ‘good practice’ by telling him everything in her heart and on her mind: thoughts, feelings, rumours, plans and intentions mention it. Linnet on the other hand appreciates John for claiming that he tells her everything that he knows but she doesn’t oblige him to because as far as Linnet is concerned, every human being has a right to their privacy especially that of their thoughts including their intentions. As such, John always accuses Linnet of being secretive and lacking openness in their relationship. John sometimes goes to the extent of insinuating that Linnet maybe doesn’t love him as much as he loves her.

My own reflections will be found in the questions below.

I have personally interacted with both couples and they both claim to love each other unconditionally.

I will not deny, these two couples intensified my curiosity about the subject of true and unconditional love and I have been thinking.

  1. What really happens when one party continuously gives what they think is their very best but they are met by a wall of stone?
  2. How far are people usually willing to go before they meet their turning points?
  3. How far are you yourself prepared to go before you meet your own turning point?
  4. Have you extensively reflected upon your core differences as human beings: talk of your hobbies, levels of education, professional differences, social backgrounds, personalities traits, emotional intelligence, life’s expectations etc and how they come into play in your relationship?
  5. How long was the courtship: are your expectations being met or you are in for the shock of your life?
  6. Have you thought about how far you can continue living like that: I mean both your mental and physical health?
  7. Is the quality of your relationship affecting you in any known or perhaps unknown ways?
  8. Could you be under thinking or overthinking everything?
  9. Are there joyful moments in your relationship or is it all heartache?
  10. Do the joyful moments outweigh the sad ones and visa versa?
Joyful/sad moments

Or does the sum of it all balance of perfectly so you feel that as much as your partner behaves in a certain way sometimes, you also have your own demons in the closet and that he does wonderful breakfasts, he caters to your emotional needs and you can live with his occasional mischiefs?

A balance is good in my opinion what do you think?

10. The major question summing up my reflections is about your awareness. Are you actively aware of the impact of your relationship on your life? (refer to question.8 above).

11. If you could choose your partner again, would you choose the same person whom you are with today?

12. What is your relationship with these three words’ sentences? #I love you, #I am sorry, #Please forgive me, #Can we talk, #I am listening, #Tell me more (I want to hear you out), #Can I help?

13. Is there anything that you yourself are doing wrongly which you need to change and do better for your relationship’s sake

14. Are you having higher expectations on your partner and forgetting your own responsibility?

(Don’t forget what they say, it takes two to tangle. A tangle is a dance of two just like a love affair).

I am always grateful for your reading, comment, like, following or share.

Susan Kazooba

DO NOT search for an Intimate Partner with only his Body on your Mind.

Just the other day I was speaking to an acquaintance. I am happy I did because the conversation inspired me to write this piece.

She asked me how my man was doing and I said as it was, alright.

She wondered when I would bring him to Uganda so that they could steal him!

I plainly asserted that my man couldn’t be stolen because he knew what he wanted and genuinely leaves no room for doubt.

But I suggested a joint acquaintance whom I knew could be stolen if she wanted a man for a gig.

His heart or wallet, I skipped the details.

Her response was a big, No-o-o.

And her reason was that he had a big belly.

Stomach men is a no go zone, she said.

Then I pointed to the fact that my man had a big belly too.

You want to know her response?

He has a belly, Oh my God! How did you end up with him?

You speak so highly of him. Then he must have a lot of money.

Truthfully, I laughed like an idiot, I couldn’t believe how shallow she was!

I wondered where to begin a long missed education.

But I had to start somewhere so I simply described what I wanted in a man: loving, kind, honest, funny, Intelligent, respectful, committed, working, with his feet on the ground and knows what he wants and the list could go on.

I laboured to explain that I am not for the cliche: tall, dark, handsome and to add, well-trained but if a man had no manners!

I mean, what good is a bunch of muscles if they aren’t wired to a brian?

An intended long term relationship must defy whimsical first sight attractions.

You must be kin to observe that which lies beneath the sparkling skin once the makeup is off.

I happen to know a sweet girl who fell upside down for a man she believed was the most futuristic she ever met and would ever meet only for him to turn her inside out when his absolute top secret wife and kids flew home from their other home in the USA.

Mr. futuristic confessed that the house she had been shown was just a guest wing of the main one. He openly told ‘the sweet girl’ that she had no right to set foot in his marital house so she didn’t have the whole picture. Imagine her shock!

I can draw countless scenarios but this text was not intended to exceed one page.

So my dear ladies, work, build yourselves and be the best women you could ever be. Forget the dependency mentality and attract dependable partners not parasites or users.

Catch you later.

Susan Kazooba

Inspiring Love

Love flows and floods

Love is what you feel when you are completely relaxed, unforced and effortless feelings of goodness tickle your heart.

They reach your brain, flow throughout your veins and in the end, they circurate your whole body.

When you feel blown away by emotions that you cannot help but laugh, with tears.

The circuration pushes your pours open. You are over flown by sweat, mucus, saliva and in extreme overwhem carbondioxide escapes out!

Unexpected fluids can gash out of your body too.

Honestly speaking, have you ever been colonised by love?

When that feeling comes, you have to be ready. You have to know the signs because you have to give way to them. 

If you didn’t know, the heart has a door which you must open and allow for the in and out-flow of love.

If the door is too hard and you can’t open it or your fail to open it in time, love will flow past you.

Love is like a river.

It’s determined, gentle and continous but if something happens to interupt along its way, say like delayed opening of the door or none opening, it will overflow, break brides and cause havock.

That is how floods, erosion, water falls and some landforms are created.

Mark you, a river can also totally divert its course and flow to another direction.

It can also divide its stream to flow in more than one directions, it can be seasonal and it can completely dry up.

With climate change, human action is at the centre of the rivers’ behaviour.

But I am curious about who you would blame, the human for his actions or the river for its behaviour?

The heart has a door and love is like a river. If you open your heart, it flows and floods.

By Kazooba Susan

Human ties – Blood ties

Wherever I am, is your home because we are a family.

Whoever I am is stronger because of you.

Our social bond whether by friendship or blood is nothing in emergency situations.

I am a social animal, end of discussion.

Anyone willing to spend time with me on mutually respectful human terms, quickly ascends the ladder of friendship and family.

I will not spend a life time waiting upon my sisters and brothers to go out with me while neighbours beg me in vain.

My mom to show me that she loves and cares yet my friend’s mom perfectly plays the part!

I am here now and I need love, care and human prescence here and now.

I will allow the social order to continue sustaining itself.

In real time and space, consider it a social loan, and pay it back to the other humans around you.

Just know I love you to the zenith and don’t be jealous.

That is just life playing out its best💖

Humanity is in us all if we let it. It keeps on giving least we resist. Let it take you. Let it overpower you.

You can be a foster family to a homeless child.

You can be a sister or brother to an orphan.

You can feed a hungry begger even just for a day.

You can shelter a homeless man or woman even just for a night.

A begger won’t bit if you stop for him/her.

A hug and a smile to a stranger can change their view of people forever.

Do your part for the betterment of our planet.

Strengthen human ties now🤲🏿