We all have danced with shadows and dined with skeletons. So I will cut to the chase. If one praises themselves as your friend but never makes any sacrifice for you, it’s a lie.
They haven’t bled a drop and they know nothing of the true feeling of friendship. The same way is love. If one so sweetly rings and sings of love. So tightly holds and hugs your fears. So warmly kisses and deeps to the depth. If one repeatedly breaks your heart, pleads for forgiveness and paints your sky blue with colors But if one never takes any action to show you the real meaning of their words, read my lips. YOU ARE POURING YOUR HEART IN A HOLLOW POT.
(There are many types of love but in this case I am referring to intimacy).
Love is as old as humanity itself and oftentimes, we believers in love promise to love unconditionally.
Through words and actions we convey our intentions and meaning of our promise of a true and enduring love.
A love that is not shaded by any stain of envy or jealousy, holding back or overreaction.
We promise absolute openness, unlimited support of our partners in all their endeavours.
We pledge to be good listeners.
We are by default, social and economic partners though by no means political but we cannot rule out the role of coincidence.
We promise to forgive and move on as if nothing ever happened or at least we imply it in our promise of unconditional love.
But what really happens to the good will and well intended promises that we believers assert especially in the early days of our meetings?
Please read the following two scenarios and reflect upon them. Think of the different ways they could be applied in your own life before you continue reading.
Julian was seated in the kitchen reading Sartre’s existential philosophy when her boyfriend walked in and drew some water for drinking. Afterall he was already drawing water, she requested him to serve her a glass of water too. Julian’s boyfriend kept silent and simply walked out of the kitchen slamming the door behind him. Julian became sad and shouted aloud so that her boyfriend heard. “If it were me I would have served you water with pleasure even without you asking. I regret all those times that I have asked you if you wanted water or tea or whatever I was to have because you wouldn’t do the same for me even if I were dying.”
John is a very open man. He tells his wife Linnet everything breathed on by the green and the dust. He wishes that Linnet would reciprocate this ‘good practice’ by telling him everything in her heart and on her mind: thoughts, feelings, rumours, plans and intentions mention it. Linnet on the other hand appreciates John for claiming that he tells her everything that he knows but she doesn’t oblige him to because as far as Linnet is concerned, every human being has a right to their privacy especially that of their thoughts including their intentions. As such, John always accuses Linnet of being secretive and lacking openness in their relationship. John sometimes goes to the extent of insinuating that Linnet maybe doesn’t love him as much as he loves her.
My own reflections will be found in the questions below.
I have personally interacted with both couples and they both claim to love each other unconditionally.
I will not deny, these two couples intensified my curiosity about the subject of true and unconditional love and I have been thinking.
What really happens when one party continuously gives what they think is their very best but they are met by a wall of stone?
How far are people usually willing to go before they meet their turning points?
How far are you yourself prepared to go before you meet your own turning point?
Have you extensively reflected upon your core differences as human beings: talk of your hobbies, levels of education, professional differences, social backgrounds, personalities traits, emotional intelligence, life’s expectations etc and how they come into play in your relationship?
How long was the courtship: are your expectations being met or you are in for the shock of your life?
Have you thought about how far you can continue living like that: I mean both your mental and physical health?
Is the quality of your relationship affecting you in any known or perhaps unknown ways?
Could you be under thinking or overthinking everything?
Are there joyful moments in your relationship or is it all heartache?
Do the joyful moments outweigh the sad ones and visa versa?
Or does the sum of it all balance of perfectly so you feel that as much as your partner behaves in a certain way sometimes, you also have your own demons in the closet and that he does wonderful breakfasts, he caters to your emotional needs and you can live with his occasional mischiefs?
10. The major question summing up my reflections is about your awareness. Are you actively aware of the impact of your relationship on your life? (refer to question.8 above).
11. If you could choose your partner again, would you choose the same person whom you are with today?
12. What is your relationship with these three words’ sentences? #I love you, #I am sorry, #Please forgive me, #Can we talk, #I am listening, #Tell me more (I want to hear you out), #Can I help?
13. Is there anything that you yourself are doing wrongly which you need to change and do better for your relationship’s sake
14. Are you having higher expectations on your partner and forgetting your own responsibility?
(Don’t forget what they say, it takes two to tangle. A tangle is a dance of two just like a love affair).
I am always grateful for your reading, comment, like, following or share.
Just the other day I was speaking to an acquaintance. I am happy I did because the conversation inspired me to write this piece.
She asked me how my man was doing and I said as it was, alright.
She wondered when I would bring him to Uganda so that they could steal him!
I plainly asserted that my man couldn’t be stolen because he knew what he wanted and genuinely leaves no room for doubt.
But I suggested a joint acquaintance whom I knew could be stolen if she wanted a man for a gig.
His heart or wallet, I skipped the details.
Her response was a big, No-o-o.
And her reason was that he had a big belly.
Stomach men is a no go zone, she said.
Then I pointed to the fact that my man had a big belly too.
You want to know her response?
He has a belly, Oh my God! How did you end up with him?
You speak so highly of him. Then he must have a lot of money.
Truthfully, I laughed like an idiot, I couldn’t believe how shallow she was!
I wondered where to begin a long missed education.
But I had to start somewhere so I simply described what I wanted in a man: loving, kind, honest, funny, Intelligent, respectful, committed, working, with his feet on the ground and knows what he wants and the list could go on.
I laboured to explain that I am not for the cliche: tall, dark, handsome and to add, well-trained but if a man had no manners!
I mean, what good is a bunch of muscles if they aren’t wired to a brian?
An intended long term relationship must defy whimsical first sight attractions.
You must be kin to observe that which lies beneath the sparkling skin once the makeup is off.
I happen to know a sweet girl who fell upside down for a man she believed was the most futuristic she ever met and would ever meet only for him to turn her inside out when his absolute top secret wife and kids flew home from their other home in the USA.
Mr. futuristic confessed that the house she had been shown was just a guest wing of the main one. He openly told ‘the sweet girl’ that she had no right to set foot in his marital house so she didn’t have the whole picture. Imagine her shock!
I can draw countless scenarios but this text was not intended to exceed one page.
So my dear ladies, work, build yourselves and be the best women you could ever be. Forget the dependency mentality and attract dependable partners not parasites or users.